Snowblind IC Inbox

[godsspeed]

@whatisthis

This device is meant to be a means of long-distance communication. It seems remarkably impractical.

Regardless, if you leave me a 'message' I will do my best to respond.

Comments

[devoutish]

Yeah, he'd have all sorts of questions. Wouldn't even mind if you couldn't answer them; he'd just come up with five more.

[godsspeed]

That's been my experience with rabbis, yes. Or at least the ones who are truly good at what they do.

[ There's a touch of melancholy to his voice as he says this. Again, it's been a very, very long time since he or any other angel was allowed to just sit down and talk with anyone who might care to hear what they had to say. ]

[devoutish]

He's the sort of man who likes the asking more than he likes getting answers. When I was a kid, he once told me that asking questions is good for the soul, and not having an answer given to you makes the world exciting.

He's a good rabbi and a good man.

[godsspeed]

That's a good way to approach the world. He sounds like a wise man as well.

[devoutish]

Yeah. Always trying to talk me out of doing what I do.

[godsspeed]

That's right. You said you were part of a gang, in the world you came from.

Do you miss them as well?

[devoutish]

I do, yeah. Some of 'em were family. Some of 'em were people I'd known since I was a kid.

[godsspeed]

Even if you did things with them that weren't necessarily good or wise. [ It's a bit of an assumption he's making, here, but it feels like a safe one. ]

I don't think I would have understood that until very recently.

[devoutish]

Not good, yeah, but I'd like to think we aren't foolish.

Why do you understand it now?

[godsspeed]

There had been infighting in Heaven, before I arrived here. A small but significant number of my siblings turned traitor, including one who I was very close to. He attempted to recruit me to his cause, then to kill me when I refused.

I should hate him. He did one of the lowest things an angel can do, and I did nothing but my duty in eliminating him before he could spread his corruption even further. But I don't.

[devoutish]

Do you feel guilt, instead?

[godsspeed]

Yes. He was steadfast in his decision. There was no way I could have brought him back into the fold, and even if I could have, the very fact that he'd acted on his doubt would have slated him for imprisonment until the end of time, at best. He'd made the same offer to others before me, and was more successful in getting rid of everyone else who said no.

But I can't help but wonder if I could have noticed something sooner and intervened. We had served together from the moment of our creation. I thought of him as a friend.

I even wonder if he was right, and if I should have gone with him.

[devoutish]

What would that have meant, for you?

[godsspeed]

Killing more of our fellow angels as they came after us, and then eventual death. But that's what wound up happening to me regardless.

Would it have mattered, if I'd decided to spend a few weeks more with my brother, instead of dying alone for the sake of a stranger?

[devoutish]

Both sound like very angelic options to me.

[godsspeed]

[ Castiel spends a long moment puzzling over what that might mean before giving up and asking. ]

How so?

[devoutish]

Sacrificing yourself for a stranger - very noble. Being loyal to a brother despite the consequences to yourself... also noble. Yeah.

[godsspeed]

Both were unimaginable betrayals of everything I'd previously stood for.

But... thank you. For saying so.

[devoutish]

Yeah.

So you're... dead at home, then? Properly dead?

[devoutish]

Yeah.

So you're dead at home, then? Properly dead?

[godsspeed]

I think I must be. The last thing I remember is standing in open defiance of an Archangel.

It's not the kind of thing you generally hear about anyone walking away from.