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Snowblind IC Inbox
@whatisthis
This device is meant to be a means of long-distance communication. It seems remarkably impractical.
Regardless, if you leave me a 'message' I will do my best to respond.
no subject
He also said that you- Well, he made it sound like you might be lonely too. When you go back, what are you going back to?
[Dorian asks in a low, quiet voice.]
no subject
Two human men, who convinced me to turn against my mission because they were convinced that they could save the world without as much needless loss and death as Heaven was prepared to enact. I'm no longer sure I made the right choice, but... they trusted me, and I trusted them.
Other than that, no one. Nothing. I had a sister - Anna, my former commander - who had turned her back on Heaven before me, but I betrayed her and brought their wrath down upon her, back when I still thought the cause was just.
It's only a matter of time before I share the same fate, if I haven't already.
no subject
[Dorian is lying to buy time to think that over.]
I am here again.
You felt your mission was corrupt and worth turning against? Then it is better that you did than feel you were wrong but continue anyway. Fighting corruption is a worthy thing and if you have compatriots, so much the better.
Turning against the purpose you were created for is very difficult and you are to be commended for managing it. It's confusing and it hurts and losing the people who would have stood by you if you could have just done as you were told, that feels like your fault. Yes?
[Dorian sounds tense and upset but sincere.]
no subject
I don't know. The last thing I remember before arriving here is sacrificing myself to give them time to enact their plan. For all I know they could have failed immediately after, and all our efforts could have resulted in more deaths, ultimately, than if we had acted as we were originally supposed to.
I can't say. You sound like you understand, though. How difficult this is.
no subject
My culture makes much of blood ties and family. I opted out. Refused to live the lie my parents did. It cost me and them a great deal.
[There's more sadness than bitterness in the last statement.]
You see, we altus mages are bred for our magical prowess, appearance, intelligence, and so forth. My parents were selected for the compatibility of their heritage, not their personalities. How selfish of me not to want to pass that on.
[Dorian cuts himself off from continuing in that vein.]
no subject
I'm just not sure how to take the possibility that my actions could have made things better, but in all likelihood made them much, much worse. It's not something I've ever had to deal with before.
Talking about it has been helping though. I think. So, thank you for that. I'm sorry you've found yourself in a similar enough situation to sympathize.
Sorry, needed to think about this one
[Dorian pauses for a moment, making a thoughtful noise.]
I know what it's like to be told that your life, your existence is for a purpose. A good purpose, even. One meant to bring good things to other people as well as yourself. And to be told that if you- I- fail to fulfill it, then I am not just failing my family, I am failing myself and the people who depend on us.
It's good that any sort of comfort can come of that.