Snowblind IC Inbox

[godsspeed]

@whatisthis

This device is meant to be a means of long-distance communication. It seems remarkably impractical.

Regardless, if you leave me a 'message' I will do my best to respond.

Comments

[godsspeed]

In what way? [ Castiel is pretty sure he can guess, but it doesn't hurt to ask anyway. ]

[devoutish]

Well, it's very Christian, isn't it. I don't know much about it. It's interesting, but--

[It's pretty foreign to him.]

cw: discussion of religious "accuracy" in a fictional context

[godsspeed]

Yes. That.

[ Despite how non-expressive he usually is, Castiel manages to come off as very uneasy at this. ]

If it makes you feel better, they didn't get all of it right in what they recorded either. The Bible has a considerable number of factual inaccuracies in the structure of the afterlife and other matters that the Tanakh renders correctly.

[ He pauses. ]

I'm not at liberty to explain most of them in any greater detail than that, though.

cw: discussion of religious "accuracy" in a fictional context

[devoutish]

Honestly, mate, I'm not religious enough to be bothered, and I'm not gonna try to challenge you. Don't worry too much about it.

[He's not an atheist or not religiously Jewish, but he's also not prone to crises of faith.]

[godsspeed]

Okay.

[ Castiel seems to relax somewhat at that. ]

It's been an issue for many of the people I've spoken to, and the fact that it is one at all is... largely our fault, for failing to communicate ideas clearly in the first place. [ He feels pretty bad about it. ]

[devoutish]

People here? Really?

[godsspeed]

No, not here. Most have been fairly understanding or unwilling to accept that I am what I say I am. I mean in the past, when we made contact with humanity more often.

I think those complications may be part of why we don't appear to them as much anymore.

[devoutish]

I'd introduce my rabbi to you, if I could. He'd be delighted with you.

[godsspeed]

I think I would like that, if it were possible. [ Even if he's also pretty sure he wouldn't be allowed. ]

[devoutish]

Yeah, he'd have all sorts of questions. Wouldn't even mind if you couldn't answer them; he'd just come up with five more.

[godsspeed]

That's been my experience with rabbis, yes. Or at least the ones who are truly good at what they do.

[ There's a touch of melancholy to his voice as he says this. Again, it's been a very, very long time since he or any other angel was allowed to just sit down and talk with anyone who might care to hear what they had to say. ]

[devoutish]

He's the sort of man who likes the asking more than he likes getting answers. When I was a kid, he once told me that asking questions is good for the soul, and not having an answer given to you makes the world exciting.

He's a good rabbi and a good man.

[godsspeed]

That's a good way to approach the world. He sounds like a wise man as well.

[devoutish]

Yeah. Always trying to talk me out of doing what I do.

[godsspeed]

That's right. You said you were part of a gang, in the world you came from.

Do you miss them as well?

[devoutish]

I do, yeah. Some of 'em were family. Some of 'em were people I'd known since I was a kid.

[godsspeed]

Even if you did things with them that weren't necessarily good or wise. [ It's a bit of an assumption he's making, here, but it feels like a safe one. ]

I don't think I would have understood that until very recently.

[devoutish]

Not good, yeah, but I'd like to think we aren't foolish.

Why do you understand it now?

[godsspeed]

There had been infighting in Heaven, before I arrived here. A small but significant number of my siblings turned traitor, including one who I was very close to. He attempted to recruit me to his cause, then to kill me when I refused.

I should hate him. He did one of the lowest things an angel can do, and I did nothing but my duty in eliminating him before he could spread his corruption even further. But I don't.

[devoutish]

Do you feel guilt, instead?

[godsspeed]

Yes. He was steadfast in his decision. There was no way I could have brought him back into the fold, and even if I could have, the very fact that he'd acted on his doubt would have slated him for imprisonment until the end of time, at best. He'd made the same offer to others before me, and was more successful in getting rid of everyone else who said no.

But I can't help but wonder if I could have noticed something sooner and intervened. We had served together from the moment of our creation. I thought of him as a friend.

I even wonder if he was right, and if I should have gone with him.

[devoutish]

What would that have meant, for you?

[godsspeed]

Killing more of our fellow angels as they came after us, and then eventual death. But that's what wound up happening to me regardless.

Would it have mattered, if I'd decided to spend a few weeks more with my brother, instead of dying alone for the sake of a stranger?

[devoutish]

Both sound like very angelic options to me.

[godsspeed]

[ Castiel spends a long moment puzzling over what that might mean before giving up and asking. ]

How so?